Shaken and stirred

Like many people I shall be watching No Time To Die this afternoon.

This gives me an opportunity to repeat a story I’ve told before (but not for a long time!).

In October 2008 I attended a late Saturday afternoon screening of Quantum of Solace at the Odeon Marble Arch in London.

A few hours earlier I had spoken at a Battle of Ideas event in Kensington.

Afterwards I made my way to the cinema where I met my wife, two friends and our various children.

It was the opening weekend of the new Bond film and the auditorium was packed.

Fifteen minutes after it began I started to get painful stomach cramps. When, in addition to this, I began to feel sick I decided it was time to abandon ship.

I edged out of my seat, stumbled (in the dark) towards the exit and made my way to the nearest toilet where, alarmingly, I immediately began to pee blood!

Ten minutes later, whilst sitting in the foyer with my wife (who had come looking for me when I didn't return to my seat), I threw up in an adjacent litter bin.

A member of staff then called an ambulance.

The ambulance took 45 minutes to arrive and when it did my stomach pains had eased to the extent that I felt a bit embarrassed as I was escorted to the vehicle and driven to the nearby St Mary's Hospital in Paddington.

To be honest, I felt a bit of a fraud.

Thankfully, as soon as I was in hospital lying on a bed, the pain returned with a vengeance.

It was so bad a nurse had to give me a suppository but that took half an hour to kick in. In the meantime I was in agony!

To cut a long story short, after undergoing various tests – and having a second suppository to ease a third wave of intense pain – I was diagnosed with having a gallstone.

How long it would take to come out was anyone's guess but there was only one exit and I was warned it would be very painful when it emerged.

The doctors wanted to keep me in overnight but I was organising a Forest-sponsored reception at the Battle of Ideas the next day so at midnight I discharged myself.

But here's the epitaph to that story.

To this day (touch wood) those stomach pains have never returned and if I had a gallstone I never knowingly passed it. What I think happened was this.

While I was in hospital I had to go to the toilet for a pee. Thanks to the suppositories - which acted as a sort of anaesthetic - I was enjoying a pain free moment and it was at that moment that I think the gallstone may have ‘passed’.

I do vaguely remember hearing a 'ping' as something hit the toilet bowl but that was before I had been diagnosed so at that moment I had no idea what a gallstone was nor was I expecting anything to ‘pass’.

Anyway, I have tickets for No Time To Die at the IMAX in Watford today and I shall be watching the film with my wife and the same two friends I was with at the Odeon Marble Arch all those years ago.

Let’s hope the day has a rather different ending.