My question to Phil Tufnell

I'm at Lords for the AITS annual lunch.

AITS stands for Association of Independent Tobacco Specialists.

A decade or so ago the AITS annual lunch replaced the Pipesmokers' Council annual lunch which included an annual award, Pipesmoker of the Year.

The event took place at The Savoy in London and attracted 300-400 people.

Over 25 years the Pipesmoker of the Year award was given to some very well-known sportsmen and celebrities who were more than happy to turn up and accept it in person.

Off the top of my head they included Henry Cooper, Ian Botham, Barry Norman, Tony Benn, Ranulph Fiennes and, finally, Stephen Fry.

Fry was the last person to be honoured and after that the event was cancelled and the AITS stepped in.

For some years now the lunch has been held at Lords, sometimes in the Long Room overlooking the ground, sometimes in a rather featureless corporate conference room. (I think it's the latter today.)

What is slightly galling to me is the choice of speakers. Over the last decade we've had Boris Johnson, Carol Thatcher, George Galloway, Christine Hamilton, Bobby Davro (!) and, last year, Karren Brady.

Rarely if ever do they have anything to say about smoking or the latest tobacco regulations. Galloway, if I remember, made a few comments about anti-smoking zealots, and Christine Hamilton mentioned Forest (she was a friend of our late chairman Lord Harris), but that's about it.

Generally the subject of smoking is ignored. Last year Karren Brady gave what I assume is her standard speech about her success in business but I may be wrong because I fell asleep halfway through.

Today's speaker is Phil Tufnell, bless him. As least he's a smoker (or former smoker). But guess what? We've been invited to ask questions and his agent (yes, his agent!) has suggested questions we might like to ask.

Needless to say there is not a single question about smoking. Instead it has been 'suggested' that we ask the following:

1. Who was the best batsman to whom you have ever bowled?

2. Who was the scariest bowler to face?

3. Who was the worst person to 'room with' on tour?

4. Who was the best spin bowler - Warne or Murali?

5. Which did you prefer - jungle or ballroom?

6. What has been your most bizarre appearance since becoming a 'celebrity'?

7. What is more terrifying, playing in front of 100,000 baying Australians or doing 'Strictly Come Dancing'?

If I can I'm tempted to ask the following: "Did smoking help, hinder or make no difference to your cricket career?"

See also: Luncheon with the stars (Taking Liberties, June 2010)

Update: Surprise, surprise, all seven questions were duly asked but he did a take some additional questions at the end.

No surprise there either, though, because if I remember every one was about cricket.

In the circumstances (and despite the fact that it was a tobacco trade event) I felt it might have jarred a bit if, out of the blue, I asked him about smoking.

Nevertheless, he was good value, his act is pretty good, and he was a lot funnier than Karren Brady.

He was also ridiculously pleased to have been given some free cigars and finished by saying, "If you've got any [more] cigars I'll be outside having a fag."