Talking cigarette packs? Po-faced puritans are deadly serious
Sunday, June 30, 2013 at 10:56 Scotland on Sunday has an interesting little story:
Talking cigarette packs to encourage quitters
I've known about it for a few days because the paper rang Forest on Thursday for a quote for what was described as "a bit of a funny story".
I decided to play along and responded as follows:
"I can't imagine anything more attractive to a child than a pre-recorded message. It's like a talking birthday card.
"The more gruesome the message the more enticing it will be. That's why horror films are popular with teenagers.
"The voice will be crucial. Consumers may want a choice of gender, or regional accent, like you get on a sat nav system.
"If the idea takes off I look forward to similar warnings when you open a bottle of beer or unwrap a bar of chocolate."
I did contemplate going further with Forest's response but a little voice (no pun intended) told me not to get carried away.
For example, in the back of my mind I was thinking, "Imagine if the pack opened to the sound of a creaking door followed by the voice of Christopher Lee ... or Freddy Krueger."
Far more bad taste jokes entered my head but (thankfully) stayed there. I'm itching to say what they were!
Reader Comments (11)
The smoking ban has made made made people lonely and isolated. Having someone to talk to is a dream but maybe having someone to listen to will help in some way.
Might we see the day that our packet can respond and discuss the news or philosophy?
Maybe a more useful development would be a packet that smokes the cigarettes and like half of smokers prematurely self destructs before burial in the dustbin. It would save so much landfill!
Hmmm seeing as, if the fASHites get their way, smokers will be discarding their freshly purchased drab grey packs into the nearest bin after having first transferred their smokes to their personalized cigarette case the idea seems a little pointless. Although I suppose only about as hare brained as forcing shopkeepers to hide the packets behind panzer doors and THEN still demanding plain packs..
And of course, the day after the "Nag Fag" is introduced, made COMPULSORY and the costs of production dumped on the poor old purchaser (like anyone still buys in the yUK anyways?) there WILL be an app that allows one to reprogram the packs so they broadcast a more palatable message or one that winds up any cASHites in the immediate vicinity.
Do they not realise how offensive it is to call legitimate consumers "addicts"? If smoking is so addictive and the scam of "passive" smoking is so harmful then how come the whole world isn't addicted to tobacco too.
They make me sick. This latest wheeze clearly shows they have far too much money to waste as kids are dying from cut backs to heart hospitals and cancer wards. The anti-smoking industry is sucking the life out of these poor kids to ensure their funding and fat salaries keep getting paid. Charlatans.
The Govt should be ashamed of itself for pandering to these phobic hysteric propagandists who haven't a clue how consumers think, why they smoke, why they quit, or why they don't.
One thing is for sure. Kids will love talking cigarette boxes. I always suspected that the anti-smoker industry works to get kids "addicted" - after all the likes of ASH need new customers to come their way as much as tobacco companies too.
Whom the Gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. Or something like that.
How about making the packs smelly?
That should be fun.
You heard it here first.
Just don't tell ASH.
Simple Simon Chapman has already thought of that, grumpy. He wants scratch cards on packets which emit a foul smell.
these silly ideas are a consequence of the Australian gov passing plain packaging. When the door was opened a crack by that legislation, the Zealots began to push hard against it to shove it wide open.
These legislators never think of the unintended consequences, do they?
I couldn't resist leaving a comment at the Scotsman.
ROFL - love the pic accompanying the Scotsman article of a young woman earnestly listening to the message of the packet clamped to her ear. Nurse!
How long does it take to take a cig out of packet? Less time than it takes to get one word of their message out.
The funding given to these idiots should be stopped now.
If anything will boost the sale of cigarette cases Joyce then this is it. If you simply transfer the contents to a case then that's the end of this bilge! Wait there’s more. How about retailers having clear plastic containers on counters in your local newsagent where you can deposit a screwed up pack after purchase. When the container is full of screwed up packs, then they can be delivered to No 10 Downing Street at a time of the Independent Retailers Confederation's choosing.
A thoroughly delicious hoot.
Stirling University (that hotbed of tobacco control), should be made aware by the government, that any extra cost added to packs of cigarettes will be reclaimed from their taxpayer funding by the consumer if it fails to stop them smoking.
What a great little wheeze – eh?
Until they ban cigarette cases Jeff like they're banning novelty lighters in NYC. There really is no limit for these people. It's just a question of what they get fixated on next. Joyce is right. They get too much money and it's being stolen from direct patient care. Remember kids heart hospitals and cancer wards are shutting to ensure the Govt funding keeps pouring funding into these self obsessed phobic hysterics who want to ban everything tobacco related just because they can.
Yes Pat you’re right about the novelty lighters – how much more ludicrous can it get, a lot more I hear you say.
But think on this Pat and Joyce. We at least have the luxury of time on our side. Let me explain.
Anti-Tobacco activists do not have this gift available to them – I suspect you’re already ahead of me on this – antis have no choice but to incessantly keep dreaming up new attacks to launch against us otherwise what is their taxpayer funding for. Something you already know…but this is subject to the law of diminishing returns, at some stage down the line there is nothing more that they can dream up. Already they have suffered a substantial defeat with the so called ‘Plain Packaging’ debacle...perhaps the biggest weapon in their arsenal.
Yes defeat, because how can the government ignore a better than two to one against this policy, it is impossible to go against this public consultation outcome (the first genuine public consultation on this issue) however badly the antis want it implemented. All their work has gone to nought on this. Quite simply the whole anti-tobacco lobby juggernaut has been stopped in its tracks for once. It’s a massive set-back – thanks to the hard work of Simon, Forest and people like yourself (don’t tell Simon this), we have more than defended our corner through articles, radio and television appearances.
So, on they march grasping at the next new idea to come along to justify their funding…in other words they’re on a continually revolving treadmill which will never stop, because the first time it does, then so does their money tap.
Like the King on a chessboard they only have so many moves…we just have to bide our time.
Sadly, as long as they have prejudicial ministers on their side like Anna Soubry and James Reilly in Ireland the madness will only end when we vote out those ministers. Smokers must make their voice heard at the ballot box to wake up these politicians that what they are enforcing upon the public is not what the public wants.
Simon said in the early days of this fight that there is nothing that makes an MP or minister sit up and take notice more then the threat of losing their seat - or something like that. We all have a duty to vote out these bigoted MPs and ministers whatever political party we generally support.
Maybe, just maybe, then they'll listen to BOTH sides of this debate, stop throwing cash down the drain on ideological causes when people are starving and our welfare system is in crisis, and then maybe the madness will end and we can finally get balanced truth and fairness on the matter.
@Pat 1.34 - The consituency in which I live was a long-held Labour seat - I'm sure the MP thought she had a job for life. I wrote to her to say that I wouldn't be voting Labour specifically because of the smoking ban to which I got the usual condescending, ASH-stat reply. A Conservative replaced her at the last election. In actual fact, there was evidence that Labour had been good for the constituency and there was no other big issue that should have caused the result but, in an area where you can't fail to notice the number of traditional pubs and working men's clubs sitting boarded up , I suspect that the ban really did influence votes. The next election will be interesting - will anyone have really forgotten NuLabour (shiver), will people who've no faith in the three main parties have the courage to vote UKIP?