Sign language

Several people have asked if Forest is going to organise a petition against the Government’s plan to extend the smoking ban to pub gardens and other outdoor areas.

As I’ve said before, I'm not a huge fan of petitions because experience has taught me that they rarely make a difference, even if they go viral or attract hundreds of thousands of signatories.

I know because Forest has done it. Our petition against plain packaging raised over 250k signatories but we had to hire a company to organise street petitions throughout the country and that came at enormous cost.

Before that, and with little money to promote it, an online petition calling for an amendment to the indoor smoking ban attracted just 5,000 signatories.

It could be argued that the Hands Off Our Packs petition did help postpone legislation, and I would be delighted to achieve even that modest ambition today, but we simply don’t have the funds to conduct a street petition on that scale - or any scale.

A couple of days ago however I was alerted to a petition on Change.org.

It’s reasonably well argued so I've signed it, but (at the time of writing) it only has 279 signatories so I fear it will suffer the same fate as most petitions.

Nevertheless, if you wish to sign it too, here’s the link.

I’m back!

Got back from holiday late on Monday night.

More on that later (I know you love my holiday-related posts!), but I’m mentioning it now because you may be wondering why I haven’t posted anything since it was reported that the government is planning to extend the smoking ban to outdoor areas including beer gardens.

The story, revealed exclusively by The Sun at 10.00pm last Wednesday (August 28), was quickly seized upon by other newspapers, with broadcasters following suit.

Unfortunately, when I read the news (within an hour of it appearing online), I was on a cruise ship at sea and an hour ahead of the UK, so I was limited in how I could respond.

I nevertheless sent out a press release with Forest’s response but given the lateness of the hour it didn’t get much traction, although MailOnline did include a quote in their report the following morning.

Over the next two days - some of which was also spent at sea - I had to turn down several interview requests but thankfully there was back up and no shortage of voices opposed to the ban.

At the request of the Express, however, I did contribute 150 words for a head-to-head style ‘debate’ with Deborah Arnott, CEO of ASH. (Print edition only.)

I’ve also written, again at their request, an article for Chamber UK that may (or may not) appear in the next few days.

Anyway, I shall return to this subject shortly. There is a lot to (calmly!) consider and act upon.

Parking news

I had an appointment at a hospital in Cambridge ten days ago.

Nothing major but my wife volunteered to drive me there in her car because, when I had a previous appointment at another hospital in the city, it took me ages to find a parking space outside the hospital and I got a bit stressed thinking I might miss my appointment.

In desperation I eventually parked in one of four disabled bays directly outside the entrance which the smiling receptionist said was absolutely fine. (I wish I’d known that half an hour earlier!)

This time there were ample parking spaces and no parking fees for patients so all I had to do when I walked into the hospital was register the number plate on a digital screen in the waiting area, which I did.

Imagine my surprise, then, when my wife yesterday received a parking fine for £60 that will go up to £100 if we don’t pay within 14 days.

I couldn’t get my head around it, but I then worked it out. Instead of entering the registration number for my wife’s car, I had entered that of my own car.

My wife, naturally, wants me to fight the fine. I’ll happily write back, notifying the company of my (inadvertent) error in the hope the fine is rescinded.

In my experience, however, parking companies very rarely back down, and it can take months to achieve anything, by which time debt collection agencies are often involved and the penalty continues to go up.

Ultimately it was my mistake and I think I’d rather pay the £60 now (before it increases to £100 or more), and move on.

PS. I did win a battle with a parking company once, but on that occasion there was absolutely no fault on my part and I was determined to see ‘justice’ done.

I’m not sure I want to go through it all again, though.

See Taken for a park and ride and What a palava.

Seaside special

Earlier this month the Telegraph published another of its interminable lists (some of which are quite useful, to be fair).

This one caught my eye because the headline was ‘Britain’s poshest seaside villages … The smart coastal spots to launch your picture-perfect life – from A-lister favourites to little-known gems’.

There were ten places on the list and they included two I know quite well, a third I visited for the first time last year, and a fourth I’ve driven through many, many times.

They’re all nice but I’m not sure I would call any of them posh or somewhere I would want to move to permanently.

Take Polzeath in Cornwall, which I first visited on a family holiday in 1966 when it was a ‘sleepy surfing haven’. We must have liked it because we returned two years later for another holiday.

Each time we stayed at the St Moritz Hotel in Trebetherick, another village half a mile up the road, but every day we would walk down to the enormous sandy beach at Polzeath.

Tide permitting, we would play on the sand or ‘ride’ the waves on surfboards hired from one of the local surf shops.

Trebetherick was one of John Betjeman’s favourite places. The famous poet, born in 1906, also holidayed there as a boy and eventually settled in the village. He died in 1984 and is buried in the graveyard of a local church.

The original St Moritz Hotel is long gone, but according to a 2008 Guardian review of the ‘new’ hotel, ‘The unassuming bungalows outside the hotel go for around £1m’.

‘Unassuming bungalows’ is an accurate description and much as I like the area (I’ve been back several times since), imagine living somewhere that attracts so many tourists and holidaymakers.

Great if your seasonal business depends on them, but it’s not my idea of a ‘picture-perfect life’ all year round.

Sandwiched between those two visits in the Sixties was another family holiday, to Walberswick in Suffolk.

We stayed at The Anchor (which still exists) but, again, I don’t remember either the hotel or the village being posh.

If I remember, we stayed in a chalet at the back of the hotel and each day we would wander down to the beach to swim in the sea and watch people catch crabs.

Since we moved to Cambridgeshire 25 years ago we’ve visited Walberswick (and nearby Southwold) multiple times and one thing I’ve learned is, never go on a public holiday because traffic on the long road into the village can be a nightmare.

Lovely location but does that sound ‘perfect’ to you?

Anyway, last year we stayed in a country house hotel just outside Abersoch, another ‘village’ on the list but on the north west coast of Wales.

Just as Burnham Market in Norfolk is known as Chelsea-on-Sea, Abersoch has been dubbed Cheshire-on-the-Sea (to the ‘fury’ of local residents).

If you ask me, that sounds like estate agent gibberish. It’s a nice place, with an excellent beach, but when did multiple ice cream parlours count as posh?

Aberlady in East Lothian is the fourth place on the list that I’m familiar with, although we’ve never stayed there.

Instead we used to drive through it on our many visits to North Berwick, a small coastal town that also attracts favourable reviews.

Ten years ago however we did stay in Gullane, a few miles down the coast from Aberlady.

Gullane is best known for its links golf course, but if you’re a follower of Scottish football you’ll know the name because the sands at Gullane will forever be associated with the brutal pre-season training organised by Rangers manager Jock Wallace in the Seventies.

To be honest, I am struggling to think of a ‘picture-perfect’ list of desirable seaside villages that I would actually like to move to.

The problem is, they’ve largely been discovered, and once people know about them all manner of visitors and tourists descend on the place, quickly followed by multiple second home owners.

However picture-perfect they might be, who wants to live in a place like that?

Below: Cardigan Bay from our hotel outside Abersoch (August 2023)

Canada’s cannabis ‘revolution’ revisited

Five years ago this week I was in Vancouver.

It was the end of a 17-day holiday that began in Seattle and included a seven-day cruise to Alaska.

After we disembarked in Vancouver we spent four days in the city which is often ranked as one of the best places in the world for quality of life, and I could see why.

I wrote about it here, but of greater interest (probably) to readers of this blog was my guided ‘tour’ of licensed and unlicensed cannabis stores in the city which I also wrote about - see Canada’s cannabis ‘revolution’.

In 2019 the legalisation of cannabis in Canada was in its infancy and there were still some issues.

One was the level of tax on ‘legal’ cannabis that made it considerably more expensive than illicit cannabis with the result that many consumers stayed loyal to their unlicensed (ie illegal) suppliers.

Last year, five years after legalisation, it was reported that the cannabis market in Canada was struggling (Has Canada's legal cannabis industry gone to pot?):

Part of the problem, experts and industry leaders say, is overregulation of the drug as the country attempts to toe a careful line between public health and building a robust cannabis industry.

Also:

By law, cannabis companies cannot advertise their products or build brand recognition in the way companies in other industries can.

Sound familiar?

Moreover, and this is something vape manufacturers and retailers may have to contend with if Labour health secretary Wes Streeting follows through on his threat to “come down like a ton of bricks” on the vaping industry:

Retail locations have tinted windows to conceal what is inside, and the drug is sold in government-approved packaging.

I’m following this from afar and I don’t profess to know much about it, but the issue interests me because there has been talk of decriminalising the use of cannabis in the UK, and even legalising its sale.

I’m not against the idea, but it does annoy me that many of the advocates for the legalisation of cannabis are quite happy for government to pursue the war on tobacco, and smokers, which doesn’t sit well with me.

There may be a greater health risk from smoking combustible tobacco, but I’m pretty sure that the latter - even if you are addicted to nicotine - is not a significant mind altering substance in the way that cannabis can be.

It certainly won’t stop you doing your job, for example, nor does driving while smoking a cigarette pose an excessive risk to other road users. Drive under the influence of cannabis however …

Anyway, I’m not going to get into all that right now, but if anyone wants to comment (based on personal experience), please do.

See also: Cannabis in Canada - get the facts (Government of Canada).

Note the emphasis on the risks. I’m all for educating people about the health risks, but let’s not forget that this a recreational product that many people enjoy, often (as one person in Vancouver told me) while relaxing at home with a glass of wine.

I haven’t read every page of ‘Cannabis in Canada - get the facts’, but is it any wonder that many consumers stick with their cheaper unlicensed suppliers and ignore this fear-mongering, nanny state, approach?

Funnily enough, the most off-putting feature of buying iQOS heated tobacco from an iQOS store were the follow-up messages that went on for about a month after I bought the damn thing.

Thanks, I felt like replying, but I’m an adult. Now leave me alone!

Below: Cannabis edible in plain packaging!

My Festival friends

Lots of Edinburgh Festival posts on my Facebook timeline at the moment.

This is partly because several Facebook ‘friends’ are in Edinburgh this month, while two are performing one-man shows on the Festival Fringe.

Guy Masterson is an actor who, when he isn’t appearing on stage, is producing or directing shows all over the globe.

Mike Hatchard is a talented jazz pianist who first appeared on the Fringe in the guise of his comic alter ego, Marvin Hanglider.

Thirty years ago I worked with both of them on several shows and concerts in London.

The one I remember with most affection was the first, a variety show that took place at the BBC Concert Hall in October 1994.

Auditions took place two months earlier at the Questors Theatre in Ealing, west London, which was where our stage manager worked as a volunteer.

I was producing the show and Mike and Guy were directing as well as performing, so they chose the line-up based on what they saw and heard.

The auditions were similar to Britain’s Got Talent, but very much smaller and without an audience. Performers included musicians, singers, comedians, magicians, a children’s entertainer, and a ventriloquist.

A few were semi-professional and had experience of performing live, but most were amateurs, some more talented than others.

It wasn’t hard to spot the difference so the performers chosen to appear in the show pretty much picked themselves, although we did treat ourselves to one or two wild cards.

Located within Broadcasting House in central London, the BBC Concert Hall is now called the BBC Radio Theatre, but I don’t think much else has changed.

Opened in 1934, ‘this iconic art deco setting hosts daily concerts, variety shows and comedy acts for TV and radio in front of a live audience’.

I remember the auditorium had 300 seats because after the single advertised show sold out, we added a matinee performance and that sold out too.

The problem was, with an afternoon show, we now had less than five hours to rehearse, and a dress rehearsal was out of the question because most of the available time had to be devoted to sound checks for each performer and getting the lighting right.

As for practising entrances to cues provided by the MC (Mike Hatchard) … forget it!

Fortunately, Mike and Guy knew what they were doing, and we had an experienced stage manager plus a BBC sound engineer on board, so both shows went pretty well.

We even recorded them, using the BBC’s in-house recording equipment, and subsequently released a cassette featuring the best performances by the musical acts.

The ventriloquist, sadly, didn’t make the cut. Nor did the ‘comedians’, one of whom - in showbiz parlance - ‘died’, but most of the acts, amateur and professional, acquitted themselves very well.

The singers and musicians were particularly good. Sadly, although I still have one of the cassettes, I no longer have a cassette player to play it on!

But back to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

In the Nineties I lived in Edinburgh for six years so it was inevitable that I’d bump into Mike and Guy when they were performing on the Fringe, and I did. I even went to several of their one-man shows.

After we left Edinburgh and returned south, however, I lost contact with them until, years later, we became Facebook friends.

Mike is currently writing a memoir and what I assume are excerpts have been appearing on Facebook this week.

They are a reminder that appearing on the Fringe can be a tough experience at times because audiences can often be counted on the fingers of one hand (two if you’re lucky).

That was my experience as well, not only when we lived in Edinburgh, but long before that, when I was a student in the late Seventies and went to quite a lot of shows.

One year (1978, I think), I spent a week in Edinburgh for the Festival, staying in a friend’s flat off South Clerk Street in the Old Town.

At that time my main criticism was that Fringe venues were allocated on a first-come first-serve basis. In practise, it meant that some very good productions could find themselves in a church hall miles from the city centre playing in front of six or seven people.

In contrast, some truly dreadful shows might attract several times that, not because they were better but because they had a more convenient location.

In 1979, when I returned to the Fringe for a few days, I remember watching a truly dire sketch show, performed by students from Aberdeen University, and while the cast (several of whom I knew) appeared to be enjoying themselves, the same couldn’t be said of the audience.

On the other hand it’s clear, reading their Facebook posts, that Mike and Guy continue to love the Edinburgh experience.

So here we are, in 2024, and Guy has just celebrated his 30th Edinburgh Fringe (and last as a producer) with the final Fringe performances of his two most popular one-man shows, Under Milk Wood and Animal Farm.

First performed in Edinburgh in 1994 and 1995 respectively, Guy has subsequently performed both shows over 2,000 times each around the world. Quite an achievement.

Funnily enough, the last time I was in Edinburgh for the Festival, in 2015, I bumped into Guy quite by chance on the street.

I hadn’t seen him for over 15 years but I recognised him immediately and it was great to catch up.

Mike is in Edinburgh too this year, for the first time in eight years, attempting to set a series of world records for playing the piano (and singing) while upside down. (Don’t ask.)

But don’t be fooled by such stunts. Mike has worked with some wonderful singers and musicians, including the great Herbie Flowers who famously came up with the bass line for Lou Reed’s ‘Walk On The Wild Side’, for which he was allegedly paid £12 (and no royalties).

It must be 25 years or more since I last met Mike, but social media is a strange beast. Following someone online, and reading their posts, makes you feel you know them quite well, even when you don’t.

If and when Mike does publish his memoir I’ll be one of the first to buy a copy. Expect lots of name-dropping - Caroline Quentin, Graham Norton, Bill Bailey, Phil Jupitus, Lee Mack, Eddie Izzard, and Paul Merton to name a few - but, as Mike says, it’s hardly name-dropping when ‘none of them were known at all when I met them’.

Meanwhile, if you’re in Edinburgh, do go and say hello. You’ll find him at Carbon on Cowgate from 4.45-5.45pm until Sunday (August 25). As he writes on Facebook, ‘Do come along and humour me and give me something to write about in future years.’

See also: Fringe benefits (Taking Liberties, August 2015)
My Festival: Guy Masterson (Scotsman, August 12, 2024)

PS. Also on the Festival Fringe for a few more days is Simon Evans presents: Alas, Smith and Hume! and Footnotes to Smith.

Simon is not a Facebook friend (I don’t know if he is even on Facebook) but I do follow him on X.

More important, he gave a very funny speech/performance at the Forest Summer Lunch last year.

After Edinburgh he will be touring the UK from September 27 through to March. Warmly recommended.

Below: Simon Evans at the 2023 Forest Summer Lunch

From effigy to ecstasy

Congratulations to Giles Dilnot who has been appointed the new editor of the centre-right blog, ConservativeHome.

Clearly delighted, he tweeted:

I have a bit of professional news I am very very pleased about. Journey starts today. Delighted and honoured to have been asked.

Once described as ‘the Imelda Marcos of political journalism’, Dilnot has big shoes to fill following the elevation of his predecessor to the House of Lords.

However, while Baron Goodman of Wycombe may be a former journalist and Conservative MP, Dilnot has a pretty impressive CV too.

A former BBC television presenter and reporter, he has also worked for the Legatum Institute, and the Office of the Children’s Commissioner for England.

More recently he was a special advisor to the Foreign Secretary and Home Secretary.

Less well known, perhaps, his effigy was once paraded through the streets of Lewes before a ceremonial burning.

According to The Argus (November 8, 2004):

The Cliffe Bonfire Society created a replica of BBC newsreader Giles Dilnot on top of a ram - the symbol of Firle Bonfire Society.

Thousands lining the streets booed and hissed as the Cliffe Bonfire Society paraded the tableaux of the South-East Today presenter on a cart.

The society picked Mr Dilnot because they did not like some of the BBC's coverage of Firle Bonfire last year, when police arrested some members of the society on suspicion of inciting racial hatred after they burned an effigy of a gipsy caravan with a licence plate reading P1 KEY.

Fortunately, perhaps:

A last-minute change of route meant many of the estimated 45,000 people who flocked to Lewes did not see the model, which had taken three months to build using chicken wire, wood and papier-mache.

The good news is that Giles is in excellent company. Last year Rishi Sunak was one of the effigies at similar ‘bonfire celebrations’ in Lewes. Furthermore:

Past effigies have included prime ministers Boris Johnson, Liz Truss and Tony Blair, Russia President Vladimir Putin and broadcaster Katie Hopkins.

Meanwhile, in Edenbridge, Kent, where another bonfire society has been organising celebrity effigies for over a quarter of a century, the public has also spoken.

In addition to Liz Truss and Boris Johnson, effigies have included London mayor Sadiq Khan, Donald Trump, Katie Hopkins, Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand, Katie Price, Lance Armstrong, Anne Robinson and Saddam Hussein.

The big question is: whose effigies will be unveiled this year? Watch this space.

Why critics of Gail’s are revolting

As I mentioned on Friday, I had never heard of Gail’s until last week.

Suddenly, the bakery and cafe chain is all over the news and even my wife is saying there are branches “everywhere”. Where have I been?

Since then I’ve done some research and I have a valid excuse not to feel embarrassed because, although I discovered there are no fewer than three Gail’s bakeries in Cambridge, which is near where I live, there are good reasons for my ignorance.

Hear me out.

The Bread Factory, the company with which Gail’s is closely associated, was founded in the 1990s, but the first Gail’s bakery, in Hampstead, north London, didn’t open until 2005.

Thereafter they focussed on opening shops in London (there are currently more than 90) until the company made what was described as a ‘rare venture beyond the capital’.

That resulted in a new bakery in Cambridge in 2019. In my defence, however, it opened in The Grafton, an Eighties shopping mall that I hadn’t visited in years because it’s half a mile from the city centre.

Since 2022 Gail’s has been expanding fast across the south-east of England, but the second Cambridge Gail’s, directly outside the train station, didn’t open until late last year, and the third only opened in May, having moved into the old Paperchase store just off the market square.

To date, therefore, it’s the only Gail’s in the city centre, and it’s only been there for three months so that’s why I wasn’t aware of it.

But why has the company been in the news this week?

Well, the story seems to revolve around an impending branch in Walthamstow ‘Village’ in north-east London, and accusations that the ‘upmarket bakery and cafe chain’ is a potential threat to local independent businesses in the area.

The inverted snobbery is bad enough, but underlying some local opposition is something potentially more sinister.

You see, The Bread Factory was founded by Israeli baker Gail Mejia, and according to Jewish News in 2015:

[Gail’s] bakery is the brainchild of Ran Avidan, who grew up in Tel Aviv on artisan bread, and Tom Molnar who grew up baking bread with his grandmother in Florida. Their hunt for a good loaf in London brought them together. They soon came across Gail Mejia, who supplied top chefs with loaves baked by experts.

Roy Levy, Gail’s creative head baker also grew up in Israel …

Need I go on?

Meanwhile a minority investor in Gail’s is Luke Johnson, a highly successful businessman who as well as being a noted capitalist was a strong supporter of Brexit.

Read one or two reports and you could be forgiven for thinking those are the real reasons why some people don’t want a Gail’s bakery and cafe in their neighbourhood. If that’s the case, it’s pretty shocking.

Anyway, as part of my ‘research’ for this post, I drove to Cambridge this morning and shortly after 8.00am entered the ‘new’ Gail’s off the market square and ordered a double espresso, a bagel, and a cinnamon bun.

The latter was actually the best cinnamon bun I have ever tasted, so I will definitely go back, if only for that, although the croissants and other pastries looked pretty good too.

It’s certainly a level up from many of the more familiar high street cafes and bakeries. But ‘upmarket’? Let’s not get carried away.

Either way, competition is good and if the presence of Gail’s encourages rival businesses to raise their game, I’m all for it.

What isn’t acceptable is for businesses to be driven out of town or prevented from opening because of the owners’ nationality or, heaven forbid, the pro-Brexit sympathies of an investor.

If that’s the way we’re heading, Britain has a serious problem.

See also: No, Gail’s bakery is not ‘far right’ (Spiked)

Update: The best known independent cafe/bakery in Cambridge is arguably Fitzbillies which appears to have three branches. (I thought it had two.)

Famous for its sticky Chelsea buns, it’s also my favourite cafe/bakery in Cambridge.

The point I’m making is that, if they’re good, there’s room for independent shops and bigger chains, and there’s no reason why one should force out the other.

Above: Gail’s at Cambridge Station, The Grafton, and Market Hill, all part of my research this morning!