Tonight I am presenting (yes, presenting) the BT Sport Great British Pub Award for Best Smoking Area.
I'm a late replacement for an MP who was invited to do it but backed out when he discovered the nature of the category.
We know this because his office asked if he could present another award instead.
I've never known anything like it.
JTI and Forest have supported the Best Smoking Area award for four years. In previous years it has been presented by Brian Binley MP, Simon Kirby MP (both Conservative) and Lindsay Hoyle MP (Labour).
I'd love to tell you who the spineless politician is (you'll never guess, there are so many to choose from!) but I can't – sorry.
Meanwhile I'm off to pick up my dinner jacket for tonight's event which takes place at the London Hilton in Park Lane.
I've also got to attend a 'Presenters' Briefing' and rehearse my lines but that shouldn't take long.
"And the winner is ...."