Mobile phone rings:
"Hello."
"Is that Simon Clark of the smokers' group Forest?"
"It is."
"I've been trying to get hold of you. I'm a smoker. Where is your office?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Where is your office?"
"Who are you?"
"I'm a journalist."
"Who do you work for?"
"I'm a freelance journalist."
"Are you calling as a smoker or as a journalist?"
"I'm asking the questions. So you won't tell me where your office is? Is it in London?"
Freelance journalist? My arse!